The ribbon came loose easily, despite how tightly it had been tied, and despite Ketran's trembling hands. The corset opened, and with a few tugs, fell away from Thallian.

"Well...?" Ketran asked after a moment, "How does it feel?"

( No answer. )

You Are A: Neutral Good Human Ranger/Wizard (2nd/2nd Level)



Ability Scores:
Strength- 8
Dexterity- 15
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 18
Wisdom- 12
Charisma- 11

Alignment:
Neutral Good- A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Rangers- Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Secondary Class:
Wizards- Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

This is entirely whitemage and finch's fault.


( Image under here--Iscariot takes a trip to the beach )

At 2:30am last night -- "It was late, and she wondered if they'd come back again. Her eyes were drifting shut, but somewhere on the streets of New Orleans they prowled the night, wide-eyed, hunting for memories to lose the next morning."

My parents, sister, and I drove out to New Orleans for the weekend for a wedding. It was a long drive, nearly eight hours instead of six thanks to being constantly assaulted with road construction. We threw our things in the hotel, then quickly visited the family of the friend getting married before finding something to eat. I love the city, but not the seafood so much. Cajun spices are a little too hot for me, but the French influences suit me just fine.

As you might have gathered from the little snippet I wrote above, the family went out to Bourbon Street to bar hop. I stayed at the hotel since it's really not my thing. I will never understand drinking for the explicit purpose of getting drunk, nor do I understand the appeal of a bar. If you're with friends, it's usually too loud to have a decent conversation. I'd prefer a piano bar or a jazz lounge. It's New Orleans. There have to be some awesome jazz lounges somewhere.

I'd much rather see New Orleans during the daytime. There's such an amazing historical and cultural allure to the city. If I am to see New Orleans at night, I'd prefer to just walk the streets and take in the architecture. It's not that I dislike being out at night. I'm far more of a night person, and I think cities are gorgeous at night. Just not when drunk.

It's raining, though, and everyone is sleeping off their hangovers this afternoon, so it seems that sightseeing isn't going to happen. I should probably study since I skipped class on Friday and have four hours of class to catch up on.

Only five days of class left, and I'll be finished with my first year of medical school. Well, not after two and a half weeks of marathon testing. Still, no new knowledge after next Friday. I'm not sure I'll know what to do with myself after the 16th of May, when studying suddenly isn't compulsory...

I've been looking back on 2011 and thinking about how unstable it was for me. I had no idea where I would be at the end of the year, or what I would be doing. I was still an undergraduate with my boyfriend in our apartment at the beginning of the year. We broke up pretty early on--it was evident we were better off as friends, and living together was not awkward afterward.

I remember graduation, and how I cried because I knew dad was not proud of my accomplishments there. I made arrangements to go to Canada and work for a year while I fixed up some plan for myself. One email signaling that I'd been accepted to med school changed everything, and I found myself in Houston.

Houston was more or less as foreign to me as Austin had been when I first arrived. The Houston zoo is literally right beside my medical school, and I haven't been there yet. The metrorail train system takes me to school and back home. It took me a while to break out of my apartment cave to ride the train downtown to the cathedral for mass. If you haven't guessed yet, medical school is really time consuming. I shouldn't have been surprised; it's not advertised as anything other than that. It's certainly much harder than undergrad, but again that's not a surprise.

What was a surprise to me was how much my antidepressants were holding me back. I never wanted to correlate the intense fatigue I started feeling late 2008 with the fact that I had started taking an SSRI. The antidepressants WORKED. For once, I could talk in front of a class and not worry about having a nervous breakdown. Social interaction didn't bother me as much. My rage/suicidal episodes were practically eliminated.

They relaxed me. I loved it. I started sleeping more. A lot more. It was pointed out to me as 2009 went on how much I napped. By the time fall 2009 came on, I was sleeping in class (something I had never done before except on a very rare occasion). By the time 2010 was getting over with, I was sleeping through classes in my dorm on a pretty regular basis. I also noticed that my concentration and memory were dulled. I didn't pick things up like I did earlier in college. I could skim something unfamiliar once or twice and have it--I think I got a 98% or something in genetics because of that. Instead, I found myself reading the same paragraph five times, then having to stop and wonder what subject I was working on. (Interestingly, 44% of people on Effexor report amnesia as a symptom. Memory was definitely an issue for me.)

But I could still manage. Sure, my grades fell, and it bothered me. I went from straight A's in subjects like organic chemistry, calculus III, and physics (and more, all in the same semester) to C's and B's the following semester. I was still making it, despite sleeping 18 hours a day; despite sometimes only waking up to eat, and then going back to sleep for a day or two.

Yeah, that schedule somehow worked in undergrad. Not so much in med school.

I was reluctant to blame my antidepressants because I was too afraid of my chemical imbalance on its own, and too afraid that nothing could contain it like my current SSRIs did. But in the middle of this semester at medical school, I realized that I had to do something.

I couldn't change meds in the middle of the semester. Not when the result is more or less unpredictable. So I fought my fatigue until this Christmas break, and then went to the doctor to make a change. I have to say...it was a good call on my part to wait to switch meds.

When I read a book containing heroin/substance-of-your-choice addicts going through withdrawal, I had little pity for them. I couldn't really sympathize with them, because I had no idea what they were going through. It is difficult for me to describe Effexor withdrawal to anyone that has not gone through something like that. I had stepped the doses down, and eventually wasn't taking any. I was also taking my new meds, and hoping that they would sort of pick up for the Effexor. God, was I wrong.

First are the "brain zaps" you will hear people going through this complain of. It literally feels like your neurons have disconnected from one another, curled up into the fetal position in the darkness of your tissues, and started firing completely at random. It actually does feel like little painless zaps of electricity running up your arm, or neck, or in your head.
While that is going on in the background, the migraines come. They are constant fading in and out if you so much as dare to look at anything but the back of your eyelids. And if you can handle the headache and look, then be prepared for the nausea. Those two are generally paired, and pretty common. Once they get going, only sleep will banish them.

Once you lie down in a quiet, dark place, the anxiety hits. Literally ANYTHING your brain can come up with to freak you out with, it will. Every hideously depressing scenario, every existential, philosophical worry will be projected into your head. But eventually even terribleness gets repetitive, and you somehow fall asleep.

Nightmares are common with people going through Effexor withdrawal, and are a risk for anyone when dealing with SSRIs in general. It's not really surprising, given the mental environment you were in just before falling asleep. You just get to live them now, rather than think about your fears.

And when you wake up, the cycle begins again about ten minutes after you're out of bed attempting to get SOMETHING done that day. I was extremely tempted to get back on the Effexor just to make the withdrawal go away. I used my ten minutes of non-migraine time to research the withdrawal, and found that it is usually treated with a few doses of Prozac. Prozac apparently has a similar enough mechanism to Effexor that the body will be happy enough with that and stop freaking out. Unlike Effexor, Prozac has a very long half-life and drops out of your system over the course of a few weeks--meaning little to no withdrawal.

Lucky me, my mom happens to take it. I asked her permission, and took one. The next day I was perfectly fine. Well, not perfectly. I've caught my dad's head cold; however, it should say something that even with the head cold I feel about a hundred times better than I did during withdrawal. I mentioned to the doctor that I had done this, and they seemed to think it was a fine idea. (It's funny how much more they listen to your opinion when you're in medical school. I have noticed this when discussing things with my vet as well.)

Speaking of which, I am still cringing at my grades from this first semester of med school. But, despite the hellish withdrawal period, I don't have the fatigue I did! Maybe, just maybe, I can get back to my all-A (or high B?) self.

Is it weird that I've considered going into psychiatry? I mean, on one hand maybe it would be encouraging for one neuroatypical person to see another neuroatypical person being successful at both controlling their problem and in the working world? On the other hand, I do have bad days (just like neurotypical psychiatrists have bad days, I'm sure), and I'd feel weirdly hypocritical. Just like I would never go into dermatology; I have a terrible complexion.

Before I start worrying about any of that, I need to get through 2012. At the least, it's starting off quite differently than 2011.

The past few weeks have been busy, what with finals, graduation, and moving stuff around between Austin and the house. Graduation was nice, but loooong since it was apparently the largest graduating class they've had in the history of the college. To pass the time, I texted my sister, who let me know the crying status of my mom. Dad was disappointed in me. Big surprise.

I can't wait to have doctoral regalia one day, but for now my BS in Biology: Neurobiology is pretty nice. I'm taking a year off and heading up to Canada to work and hang out with Meghan, then heading to graduate school somewhere to earn a PhD and said regalia. I'm not sure specifically what sort of neuroscience lab I'd like to join, but I do enjoy electrophysiology, and I'm open to pretty much anything. Hopefully I can find a school that will take me. My GPA isn't fantastic after my Fall 2009 mental break, but it isn't bad either.

Speaking of issues, I probably shouldn't have posted that horribly depressing post without a follow up soon after. My bad, guys, I hope I didn't worry you. I actually hit a full-on hypomania episode not long after, which sort of pulled me up out of the rut. I haven't had one of those since I was about 15, so it was quite a surprise. I am an incredibly happy, but easily annoyed for roughly two seconds, hypomanic-person. I was particularly creative (wrote a ton in one sitting, and the work was actually quite good), alert, and enjoyed school. Most importantly, I was functional, which is what marked it as hypomania rather than mania.

It was more or less exactly what I needed, so for once I thank my mind for being loopy. I can see why some bipolar people refuse to take meds just to have those ups. Not that I would stop taking my meds since I can apparently have hypomania episodes in spite of them. The SSRIs keep the darkest depression holes (mostly) away, and that's what is important. Hypomania every few years is more like an unexpected bonus now and again.

I feel I'm still riding the aftermath of hypomania overall, which is awesome. I've been drawing, though I haven't uploaded anything in a while. Any depression I'm going through is situational rather than chemical, which means it can be dealt with rationally. I am nervous about moving to another country, even though culturally Canada isn't exactly exotic compared to the USA. My stay would be extended if I go to graduate school there, and I may. Though I don't always get along with them, I'll miss my parents being out of touch. Oddly, a lot of anxiety has come about because I'll miss my mini-library and my accumulated stuff in general. I'm not taking much with me for the year. I won't have my desktop, just my little Asus Eee PC, my cat, some clothes, and whatever household things I need to bring...which shouldn't be too much. It's my packrat personality not wanting to part with my "stuff". To quote the wise Tyler Durden, "The things you own end up owning you."

I also had a birthday in there. 23 now, still figuring out what's what. I am considering taking some of the money given to me and heading to the bookstore soon. I've run out of room on my bookshelves again, so creative stacking has begun. It is totally ruining my alphabetical sorting by author's last name. I haven't sat down to read much lately, save for the odd National Geographic, thanks to Pokemon White (and finals and grad and etc). Pokemon, you enthrall me as much as you did when I was ten. I don't know what that means other than awesome. For those curious, my starter was Snivy. I replayed FFVII not long ago too. Man, that was a nostalgia punch. ShinRa science department, ftw. I had forgotten so many of the little details, and now I want to play through Crisis Core again. Other games I've been playing include Mass Effect and Dead Space on the Xbox 360. More on those as I finish them.

I'll have to post more cat pictures, grad stuff, and drawings. Will work on that soonish.

I've been in college for four years. When I entered, I assumed I'd be graduating this year...but I'm going for another. It's weird seeing my classmates graduate while I'm still hanging back, but I don't really mind. I'm a neurobio major now, so I have nothing left but biology classes, a typical US history class, and a Texas government class left to go. I like biology classes fairly well.

I spent this last semester busy studying for the MCAT. It went well. Not spectacular, but med-school worthy, which is enough for me, especially since I only studied for the biology section. *cough* I got the results on my birthday, which could have made my 22nd go well or badly. Luckily it was the former. My priest texted me and asked if I'd like lunch, so we went. Not an eventful birthday, but nice regardless. I expected as much--once the 21st is gone, there isn't that much to look forward to beyond getting older.

The end of the semester was fairly busy too. A friend of mine that I've known for two years, now boyfriend, moved down since he got accepted into graduate school at the University of Texas. He's living with me and the family at the house during the summer, and then come fall the two of us are moving into our apartment. All of this was my parent's idea, which is weird considering how conservative they used to be regarding these things. He's almost been here a month, and it's all going pretty well. He's looking for a job anywhere, and I'm looking for something medical-related. A part of me still feels a little odd dating someone post-Eric's death, but I suppose that will always sort of linger regardless.

In the meantime, I've been rewatching Dragonball Z, and doodled a Piccolo and Vegeta. I'll have to scan those. I'm also sculpting, which is something I haven't tried since middle school art class. I'm using golden brown Sculpey and copper wire for a frame, and working slowly on punching it into the shape of the villain from my novel. For a first try, it's turning out fairly well. Looks...humanoid, anyway. Speaking of my novel, I spent many hours rereading what I've written so far so I can jump back into writing it. I hadn't realized I'd written so much over the years.

One of my birthday presents was Dissidia for the PSP. The dialogue is horrible, but it's still a lot of fun to button mash someone to death. I've been playing through Cloud's story. Big surprise, I know. Boyfriend has a PS3, and had bought FFVII and FFVIII from the online store, so they are now on the PSP as well. I plan on replaying them sometime soon for old time's sake, though I may get particularly emotional with a VII replay. Considering how I know the majority of you either directly or indirectly due to that game, I can hardly imagine something that has impacted my life as much as a single game. And to think my parents almost didn't let me play it because it had magic in it. Yes, these same parents that have now given my boyfriend a room in the house and suggested we get an apartment together. I guess people do change.

I really need to take pictures of things and do a picture post. I saved a Betta fish from Walmart back on St. Patrick's Day, so naturally his name is Patrick. I want to post pictures of him if only to show off his prominent green lips, which just look hilarious. We also got some new chicks, and 58 baby quail. The quail are so tiny you can hold five in your hand easily at once. Nothing thrilling, but they're fun to look at. Maybe I'll have something of a sculpture to show off soon too.

Next project: Medical school applications. o_o

This past weekend? Awesome.

Considering how I've spent most of August saying to myself, "I don't want to go back to school", Saturday probably made up for it. It's not too often that my priest (aka Padre) and I get to do stuff together for obvious reasons, but with the assurance that one other person was going, we made plans back in June/July to go see the Broadway Across America showing of Wicked in Austin. The extra person was originally supposed to be a friend of mine here in Austin, but they couldn't make it, so I invited my little sister instead.

He came by the house at about 9:30am to pick us up and wander around, and we were off on the looong-ass drive to Austin. I had offered to drive, but he is a manly man and said no way. This is a typical theme with him, though it is rather nice in that old-school gentlemanly sort of way despite all of my desires for gender-equality. Anyway, Austin was packed on Saturday due to everyone moving in (I had done so on Thursday because this is my fourth year and I know better), but we eventually found somewhere to park. We got over to the theater just in time to sit and eat at the cafe there--Lori and I had turkey paninis while he had a bleu cheese pizza that looked like it would be really interesting.

Then we wandered in and got seated. The tickets were not the best ever, however Padre is 6'3" tall so he had no problem seeing over anyone in front of him. I think Lori got a nice seat too. However, I had the generic yammering lady with poofy hair sitting in front of me, and when you're 5' tall, it's hard to win in such a situation. Next time I'll blow the extra cash to be close up. I was at least happy that everyone else could see, and with enough leaning, I could too.

The play itself? Amazing. I actually enjoyed the play far more than the book, though they could be viewed as two entirely different stories as different as they were. If you don't like musicals, you won't like it much, but otherwise I'd recommend it to almost anyone. The soundtrack isn't the most beautifully arranged one I've ever heard, however, some songs really shine. One or two sent shivers up my spine and made me smile, particularly "Defying Gravity". Lori loved Glinda, mostly because they're practically twins personality-wise. I loved Elphaba, but then it's hard not to love the social-outcast that takes a stand against the world. I think Padre enjoyed the music but found the story a little weird. He's in his sixties, so I'll cut him some slack. XD I'm going to try and get tickets for "The Lion King" if it ever comes to Austin again since he seems to really want to see that one. Then again, so do I.

After the play, we drove around Austin a bit and parked near 6th Street, the infamous party-street. We walked around wasting time until "Chez Nous", Padre's favorite French restaurant, opened at 6pm. He called and made reservations and took us into the Driskill since neither Lori or I had ever been. We sat at a table and he ordered us drinks. Water for Lori since she's only 18, but we had Tito's vodka (a Texan vodka) and tonic water with lemon. We looked around to see if we could see any famous people, but we didn't. Alas.

Headed over to Chez Nous at about 6:30 and sat down for one hell of a dinner. I had never truly had French cuisine before, so Padre pointed out all sorts of things for us to have. We had two appetizer plates, one with cheeses and one with pâtés and meat slices. I adored the cheeses, though the one goose liver pâté was a little too pungent for my tastes. We had champagne to go along with the dinner. Padre got a really delicious backed fish, and Lori and I got a veal dish. I liked mine a lot, but later Lori confessed to me that she wasn't terribly fond of French cuisine. Bah. :P Then came the desserts, which were heavenly. I had a chocolate mousse, Lori had creme puffs, and Padre had a creme brûlée. Sharing was unavoidable, and oh so good. We had coffee with our dessert, but mostly because it was already like 9pm and we were sort of getting tired. When the bill came, I knew it would be expensive, so I insisted that we split the bill at the least, but no. He dropped $160 for our dinner. I think that's the most expensive dinner I've ever had. >> Damn it was good, though.

And of course halfway home he was pondering stopping for Blizzards at every Dairy Queen we passed. That man is going to make himself diabetic. And poor(er).

Got home at around 11:30pm. I sort of felt bad because he had to get up the next morning to preach, but he did a good job despite being tired. He's my only "local" friend and my only "best" male friend, and he is independent, hilariously snarky, and an awesome guy all around. If I could choose how my last weekend at home for the summer would have gone? I would have picked this. Every time.

Also, this has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but if you grew up on Nintendo and/or Lego blocks, you should really watch this. ^^

Finished drawing this a few weeks ago as a birthday present for Meghan. Shading is a bitch XD:




The link to the deviantART version is here. Aaron is my ex-priest character that is possessed by the demon Legion and the origin of vampirism on Adrian's world. He's a messed up guy, but really comes full circle in the novel. Speaking of which, another 750 words down today. Whoo.

Maybe I'll post art-related stuff here, I don't know. :P I'm off to check on Tabby-kitten.